Ignoring Conviction

Posted on June 3, 2014

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convictionAuthor: Andrew Kerbs

As I write this post, I am simultaneously writing a letter to my father. A letter God told me I should write two months ago. I chose not to. Since then my spiritual life has waned and dissolved in a murky shroud of lethargy, bouts of depression, and the reemerging serpent heads of sins I thought had long since been conquered.

I was at my wits end, and was asking God for guidance. I remembered that the Holy Spirit convicts us of sin; therefore not all guilt is bad. This guilt from God will point us to our sin with the chance to right that which was done wrong. 1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

Only problem was I wasn’t sure of my sin. So I asked, “God, if I’ve done something wrong that needs to be made right, if I’ve neglected to surrender to you in any way, show me and give me the strength to make it right.”

The previous two months I had prayed. Usually the prayers asked for strength, wisdom, courage, or something along those lines. For the first time I specifically asked God to show me my wrong—in no uncertain terms. Sometimes being specific matters. It’s all too easy to drift into vague generalities when we pray with God, and before we know it we’re just muttering familiar old phrases that are said out of habit rather than conviction.

Well, God answered. “That letter you knew you were supposed to write? You never wrote it.” God said.

Though there was no audible voice, it was as if someone spoke those words in my mind. Now the specifics of the letter are irrelevant to the point here. Essentially it is a letter of forgiveness, and equally that of asking for forgiveness. Things that should have been said years earlier, but neglected, have built up to where God convicted me I should write this letter.

I resisted. I procrastinated. Then I conveniently forgot, and secretly hoped the whole affair would be forgotten by God as well. It wasn’t. I was like Jonah trying to steal away to Tarshish, then perplexed as when the storm began to rage.

The subsequent two months of spiritual darkness was not God punishing me for disobeying—He was honoring my decision. I deliberately chose to ignore God on a particular point of conviction. James 2:10 says, “For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become accountable for all of it.”

I decided to distrust God on one point, therefore it was as if I never trusted Him at all.

Now two months later, I’m writing the letter. I’m also writing to you, warning any readers out there not to make the same mistake that I did. If God’s asking you to do something, do it. Especially the small things. The small things can become mountains when we try to tackle them ourselves, without the leading spirit of Christ.

And don’t misunderstand me. This isn’t a thing about works. I’m not saying you’d better dot your i’s and cross your t’s or God will have it out for you. But learn to trust Him fully. Ask him for strength in this. He will give it every time. Just ask.

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7.